Hallowed Be Thy Beans by Dr. Suvajeet Duttagupta
A guy makes a REALLY strong cup of coffee. Image generated with OpenAI The matte black bag arrived without a return address, vacuum-sealed and heavy enough to feel like lead. I had shelled out forty pounds for a boutique roast labelled 'Espresso Self', a name so pun-heavy I almost regretted the purchase before I'd even broken the seal. I had found the listing on a buried, text-only forum frequented by neuro-hackers and over-caffeinated data analysts. The transaction had required a cryptocurrency transfer and a digital liability waiver that I had assumed was a piece of edgy, immersive marketing. It promised a "transformative, full-bodied experience that awakens the soul," the kind of copy usually reserved for unregulated nootropics or high-end yoga retreats. In my five-a.m. stupor, running on three hours of sleep and staring down a brutal freelance coding deadline, I didn't care about the philosophy. I just wanted a cup of coffee that would kick-start a Tuesda...